Monthly Archives: May 2013

Reason ~ Season ~ Lifetime

Reason ~ Season ~ Lifetime

These three words, in this sequence, have so often crossed my mind throughout my life, more so, when I feel a change within a relationship. Usually when one is ending.
I believe, on one thought, that there is a reason, for everything. A reason that we breathe, a reason that we cross paths at particular times on our journeys, a reason that we exist, I believe. On the exhale of that breath, I have no fucking idea what those reasons are. Often, I just simply succumb to the notion, that there’s a lesson in there, somewhere, and if I don’t learn it now, something else will arise further down the track, and force me, to look deeper… Me, being the stubborn fool that I am, usually waits, for the universe to slap me so hard, that all I see is that lesson, all I feel is the pain, that all I am, is learning…
Season… Yeah, this one validated itself in my youth, summer flings that never made it beyond the start of the new school year. Or homes, that we moved into, that rarely provided two winters under the same roofline. Which once again, meant friendships, ending. With time, and many seasons of change, I’ve found freedom, in witnessing the blessing that we’ve been so blatantly gifted, yet I overlook. Mother Nature, shows us, daily, the birth, and death, of life. Leaves that tumble in gold, only to be replaced by the brightest greens. Proving, within every ray of sun, that its not the end, it’s just a new beginning. Knowing that, almost never brings me any comfort, when I’m slapped in the middle of a moment of change. Or sneezing, uncontrollably over the pollen that decides to remind me that i need to do more pelvic floors. Again, a reason. I do know, that all I am, is learning.
Lifetime. Even preparing to explain how I feel about this word has my heart palpitate. It’s changed it’s shape, so many times over the years. Which again, makes me laugh, as it shows, that not even my beliefs are for a lifetime, not even close.
Ok, so as an adolescent, a lifetime, is often scribbled as 4 EVA… On a scrap of paper that’s passed to the dreamiest boy across the room, or your BFF that knows everything about you. Until one day, you walk around the corner, and your 4 Eva has his tongue deep inside BFFs backstabbing mouth. Yeah, lifetimes, end. Then, as I reflect, their memories, perhaps not their names, have stayed, and I assume, for my lifetime, many of those moments will. I do know, that my opinions, upon such moments, were seasonal, as I hear, a decade later, that they are married, with two offspring. Now I’m circling back, to reasons… Everything that happens, is meant to be. A statement that I’ve been training myself to repeat. My mantra if you will.
I will be my mothers daughter, for my lifetime, as my children, will be the same. Until, a moment where a parent is lost, or a child of one is taken too early. Does that mean that we aren’t still connected, for a lifetime? No. For within this lifetime, I’ve traveled through so many more. I’ve journeyed back through times of my own, people that I’ve been, unexplainable moments that I’ve seen. Not only through my eyes, not from my mind, my soul is not even accountable. It’s more than all of me, us, this. A lifetime for a breath, is merely but a moment, so each fresh one I take, I know, that all I am, is learning.

For whatever reason, in whichever season, upon a breaths lifetime, I know, all we are, is learning.
And I thank you.
For sharing my journey.

Tickle my senses

Laying side by side, our bare legs intertwined beneath the heavy covers of winters chilly promise.
We each read, from our own books, in silence. Until sharing a verse aloud has us burst in discussion of the power within anothers prose. Differing opinions has our voices raise, our heads turn, with intent to make the other see, through our minds eye.
Why won’t he see my side?
Throwing my book onto the night stand, my fingers quickly find his flesh.
I’ll make you see. I hiss.
Digging them in, beneath his rib cage, he squirms, as I’d intended. Both hands now rousing his laughter, my digits busily find each spot that only years of time has provided me with knowing. I know just how to make him cave, in a fit of giggling submission.
Astride him now, one hand holding both of his back from his imminent reaction. My other, takes to his inner thigh. No depth spared. I claim his flesh, capture his writhing squeals.
And then…
Silence.
His eyes glared darkness, deep into mine. The curve of his lips, turning into a smirk.
My laughter immediately halted, in knowing.
This was merely his acceptance that allowed my torment.
His power, was solely in his refrain.
No longer.
Before a breath, I was flipped onto my back. His long fingers searching my body in response to my torture, as his teeth, took to my neck. My nervous giggle filling his ear, my back arching beneath his weight in attempt to free, squirming, in desperation of reclaiming his scream.
Right there.
I am again, in control.
Well… Was.
Thrown to the ground, he straddles my bones, my moans now cries of plea. He has me!

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No more. I beg.
Please stop. I cry. Tears of sheer convulsion spills from my eyes.
A moment of reprieve, is all I need. Kicking and bucking in senseless fight. His hands covered me, pinned me, claimed me.
Thrusting his hips, into my depths.
Our bodies becoming one.
We tousled, tirelessly, treating each others breathlessness as our own personal victory.
Aches of delving fingertips, stings of lingering bites, rawness of the carpets friction, all hidden, beneath the mask of roaring laughter, beneath the moans of blissful succumb.
We surrendered, to the pain, of ecstasy, allowed it to rip through our entire beings. Claiming our minds, our bodies, our souls.
Laying, side by side, in the middle of the floor, of the winter chilled room.
Our burning flesh, naked and bruised.
He turns, his eyes, finding mine. Whispers softly, through his smile.
I see.