A 15 year old boy from my children’s school committed suicide yesterday. While my heart swells with incomprehensible compassion for his family, my head is (at the risk of sounding a complete bitch) fucking sad, confused and angry!
He reached out, on facebook, and was greeted with niceties, offers of help, kindness… He didn’t take them.
What he did take, was…..nothing.
The End.
Now, I for one, have found myself in serious contemplation of ending my life, and trust me, it didn’t end with my teens…
Darkness happens…
To every being here.
Darkness is not afraid to grab hold of a strong person and break them, darkness doesn’t discriminate against riches…
Darkness is… It just is… Dark.
The thing that angers me, is the fact that this boy, will never, EVER, see the light at the end of his struggle. He’ll never be able to look at his wounds and scars, and smile to himself coz he made it, through that pain…
He’ll not meet his adult self, not share a moment of ecstatic love, not hold a baby of his own, not grow into all that he could be.
He just is…. Gone…
My heart breaks in times like these. I just wish he knew there was so very much more to see, do…
Now I’m not going to sit here and blow wind up you, by saying as soon as you decide to keep going, life magically becomes sparkly and effortless, it doesn’t. It’s hard. Sometimes so bloody hard, you can’t see straight, but fuck, it’s so worth it!

Please, if you’re reading this, just know, for every reason you believe you won’t ever reach the end of the dark, there’s a billion more as to why you deserve to greet it…alive!

Take care of that heart, it’ll thank you when you experience a moment of understanding as to why we go/grow through things like this.

Love you, always xx


21 thoughts on “Darkness

  1. Angel Hawk

    You’re right,there’s always someone or something to live for,even if you have trouble seeing why or how sometimes. Even if you think you’re alone,there’s always someone that cares,someone that loves you. I’ve been going through my own dark times and thanks to my men,i found that life ís worth living💋

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Megan Kay's Blog Post author

      Im not sure if it’s maturity coming through, or just a reprieve from the dark, but in my world, i have found a trust in myself, that i am worthy of the effort… Thank you for reading xx


  2. Shannon

    Megan, this is very sad. I do agree with you. I believe in holding on just a little longer. Second to second if need be. Written beautifully and very well said. Thank you, my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Z

    I am and have been, more than just contemplating.
    I have set dates to do it. To finally let go. All the dates have passed but what do you know, it is almost the end of the year and I doubt want to see the next one.
    No one to talk to. No one knows. No one will know (till I’m found) my hatred and anger will be gone as my blood hits the ground.
    All the anguish if pain and torment that I’ve known. No one will read about it and nobody knows.

    I am tired . I crave the grip of my shotgun. No more tears but a bang. No more being left behind as I leave this fucked up world.

    They will only see a mess OF my head. But not the mess that’s INSIDE it.

    No more fearful so called holidays, no more eating one in Silence.

    They will see what remained. But won’t even notice what’s gone.


    1. Megan Kay's Blog Post author

      Wow! My inner most cells curdled in complete knowledge of this space in which you describe. Wow! What an incredibly soulful glimpse inside the screaming silence of your very being. Wow!
      Since reading that, I can no longer consider you a stranger, rather, a fellow dweller of this fucked up sense of reality, we call ‘life’.
      I sincerely hope you saw the sunrise of the new year, and have continued thus far.
      Although, I have learned that ‘hope’ is worth much less than I expected, and choose to ‘trust’ instead, that you’ve conquered your demonic darkness long enough for a warm stroll in the contrasting light.
      M. x



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