Tag Archives: growth

in complete heart

she’d been here before

turning this very corner
only to stumble
upon another sharp edge
cutting into her every truth
she knew
there’d be a hill up ahead
a climb of tiring incline
that curved gently at the crest
allowing a brief triumphant rest
before yet another slide
into more
of the flesh scoring stories
that held her life’s stride
as she traced her way
around the edges
to the familiar beat
of this puzzled heart
always
right back to the start
her journey seemed endless
as though she’d been placed
strategically positioned
in a much bigger game
she had her moments
of immense shame
blaming her lack of understanding
as to why she kept returning
to this blackened terrain
until today
when she doubled over
only not in crippled pain
but how this conundrum
that commanded her attention
suddenly rippled in vivid reflection
this hollowed cavern
that she’d avoided
for eternal days and nights
was never a missing piece
yet her own beautiful darkness
filling her heart
piecing her whole
in peace
complete
This poem was originally entered into a Voella Poetry Challenge. To view it on their site, and scroll some wonderfully poetic minds, click here. Trust me, take a coffee with you 😉

Do you remember?

do you remember when
all i had was fresh soils
for you to stroll upon?
every moment
was spent dreaming
of our forever,
our future,
together.
remember when
you lovingly planted
those very first seeds?
nourishing each
with poetic whispers,
creating memories
for us to keep,
sow and reap.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you laid the foundation?
pouring thick concrete
of honest solidity,
our eternity,
finally grounded,
soundly.
each wall was built
with hollowed holes.
windows of our souls
always kept open,
even through
chilling winds
of howling winters
we always knew
our sparked truths
would never freeze.
our intensity ignited,
burned.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you painted me?
oh how your palette
burst with vibrancy.
no other masterpiece
could ever compare,
for within each stroke
you owned me,
completely,
in totality.
and how the sun shone
on our breaking dawns,
warming our hearts
after long cozy nights
endlessly spent lying
beneath glistening stars,
our wishes cast.
do you remember?

do you remember when
one window jammed closed?
no amount of cursing
would jimmy it open.
that was when i knew
this home we had built
would be empty soon.
too soon.
you stayed absent longer.
time without you here
grew desperately dark
echoing lonely.
when you’d return
i’d brighten up
from deep inside,
but you couldn’t see,
didn’t want to,
you switched off
my every light,
in preference
of eyes destined
for eternal nights.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you closed the door
for the final time?
sliding the gold key
so easily
beneath me.
how you walked away
not even turning back
to stop and see,
how completely ruined
we had become,
we were once one.
now we are no more.
you left me
to break and crumble
into shattered fragments
of a battered lost soul
with no place
to call home.
do you remember?
i do
i’m still here
awaiting one worthy
of unlocking the door,
willing
able
determined
to complete
my full restore.

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(Un)conditional Love

In truth
the only love
worth claiming
has no limit
no bounds
no hesitation
It is pure
unconditional
for it is not
subjected
to reason
to season
to lifetime

In truth
we each possess
such love
even those
who know
of only pain
of anguish
of torment
This love
comes from beyond
the confines
of our minds
it doesn’t hear
the lies
we continually reap
or sow
It goes deeper
than the hearts
that keep beating
out blood red
passions
and clashes
of rejection
It is of no sense
for it’s not
reliant upon a body
of any mass
There’s no maths
that can calculate
the formulation
of its origin
its creation
its procreation

It just is

In truth
we believe
we have a choice
to love
to hate
to remember
to forget

In truth
we are simply grains
of minuscule matter
feeding off the egos
of those that came
before us
Waiting to be taken
to the next step
of knowledge
of power
of surrender
of understanding

In truth
we matter more
than any of us
are consciously aware
for without
the incessant self doubts
the crippling desires
the guttural eviscerations
the verbal
the physical
the mentally abusive
stimulation
the wants
the needs
the dreams
the fantasies
we would be free
to just love…

And….who the fuck wants that!

Right??

Twittercide

I hardly believe it’s for forever
Yet I’m almost hopeful it is
The timeline has stolen my mind
For far too many days and nights

I have no amount of will
To not tweet whenever
about whatever
So I needed to kill
the link between me
and my insanity

I am available
to those who wish to keep in touch
If you know me
you also know how to find me
Just in case you’re interested
in my luv for adventures x

I am unavailable
to those who have persisted
with mind fucks
Nor am I interested
in the awful gossip
that is currently running rampant

I have no doubt
I will return one day
Until then
I’m searching
for something
tangible
To touch
To clutch
To cherish
To adore

Above all
To love

Take care of you
That’s all I ask
And please….
Read the words
As written, as they are
Avoid reading between them
It’s a mind altering trap…
A web that entwines
the most diligent of minds
before they’re even aware
of the heart breaking binds

Take care of you
Be true to who you are
That’s all I’m doing
My twittercide is not me dying
Rather finding
My life…

Time to create my own world
of woven worded wonder….

* Enjoy the Journey *

Love
Always
All ways
Megan Kay
xxx

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Girl Talk…

From the moment we can
We do…
Girls talk…
Communicators
Sharing our truths
Be that of which Barbie
gets to wear the hottest shoes
Or which one gets a night out
with the almighty handsome Ken
We talk
We spend hours
discussing the hottest boys
in the school yard
Days splayed in the sun
speaking of our virginity
and how we gave it away
We talk to children
teaching them all we know
hoping our words
will assist their growth
We whisper to teens
allowing them a moment
to believe their dreams
are not just worthless
but worthy of every wish
We converse
over afternoon teas
with ladies of similar lives
driving our chats
through laughter filled afternoons
We curl onto sofas
nestle in nooks
of our aching despair
with chick flicks and chocolate
We march
screaming for our rights
We silence
quietly seeking stillness
We parade
our happiness brightly
We shade
our darkness with masked smiles
We grow
into women
So girl talk does too
It morphs
as all truths do
It becomes less
about gossip
of what others are doing
It becomes more
of our journeys
and how we are pursuing
~ Girl talk ~
Girls talk
Ladies talk
Women talk
We will always do
anything we need to
to learn unto ourselves be true
I myself
am no longer a girl
I have shifted
beyond that title
I am a woman
into my soul I have grown
Now, when I talk
it is not of the unknown
I have no regrets
I use my past as my guide
I have no reason to hate
I used myself as the bait
I will never be a victim
I created my entire world
I will never know it all
And that there
is why I adore
Girl Talk!

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A solid foundation

The time
had come again
for him
to open his heart
Though
years of clouded doubt
made each season
more shrouded
Still
he took to his field
with his satchel
of coveted seeds
Sprinkled
in perfect rows
he prayed
for no breeze

Today
his soils
were richer
glowing in purer hues
He’d learned
to turn the earth
to protect
underlying truths
He knew
that without
his devout devotion
he’d lose
Winds
of strength beyond
his hold
stole his last muse

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He now planted
each pearl
with a knowledge
of fertility
Watered
and waited
with a patience
ethereal and sainted
He knew
with each bloom
she grew
she wouldn’t leave
His love
expanded
with every blossom
he fought to breath
She bore fruits
in gratitude
for the life
he had gifted
Their limbs
tangled divinely
timelessly
they lifted
They danced
into eternity
in blistered sun
beams of moon
Her foundation
so solid
perfectly sound
his elation grew

For he knew
that no gale force
could separate
their love
He knew
that their roots
buried deeper
than the beauty above

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The Tweeples Piece

This piece is dedicated to my twitter timeline. Yesterday, I requested some fresh ideas, anything to get my pen flowing, and in doing so, I promised to incorporate each offering into one single piece. Here is what I was gifted with.

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I truly hope I don’t disappoint.
Here it is…

The Tweeples Piece…

The mirror adored her, always has, mocked her even. Locks of golden hair that tumbled in bouncy beauty now swiftly restrained in a messy ponytail, she curled her lip, snarled at her reflection in her rear view, and hit the gas…
Where she was headed, not even she knew, as long as it was anywhere but here, that’s where she needed to be.
The radio in this old car never was loud enough to drown out her thoughts, but today, the music didn’t even reach her ears. Today, was the last fucking time she’d let a man deceive her, the final time she’d fall for a tailored suit and a million dollar smile. Never again, would she let herself get tangled in fresh linen sheets with one that spun them with his scorchingly seductive linguistics.
Nope… Never again!
Just like the last time… Sigh…
Shaking her head at her stupidity, her mind sinks into a moment, grade school, Tommy P… The dreamiest boy in class, slyly scripted love letters lead to sweet valentine kisses behind the bike sheds. And the next day, and the next… And the next, his lips were locking with buck toothed, scrawny arms, EX best friend, Penny!
Broken, shattered, found…
That, was the day Goofy entered her world. His name was Jack, but he never seemed phased by the name others had given him. Long and lean, a goofy smile that rarely broke, an underarm forever filled with books. He was the type of boy that kept to himself, and watched the world with an uplifted eyebrow, as if to say, what the fuck are you doing.
‘So, what the fuck are you doing?’
His long shadow blocked the blazing sun, his harsh words saved her from drowning in the pool of self pitiful tears.
‘Ummmm crying… And what’s it to you?’
That was it, they shared an easy smile, walked home in sounds of her constant babble, and his steady footsteps. Stopping directly outside her house, her confusion spoke.
‘How did you know where I live?’
Shifting his heavy stack of literature, he raised a single finger, aimed at the dark house next door, the one that instantaneously struck spine tingling shivers every time she allowed her eyes to remember it even existed.
‘You live….there?’
His goofy lip curled, as he turned to walk away. ‘Come’.

The summer sun beat down with a fury that matched her mind, the classic car purred into each corner along this road that held her, steered her from the crippling pain, to nowhere, just away. Picturesque mountain peaks lost in shadows of her clouded mind, the deep valleys shallowed in compare to her tumultuous thoughts. Her boiling rage reminded her of ‘that Halloween’.

Trick or treating was fun, when fueled with a few swigs of vodka. A playboy bunny tail swished with her slinky sway, no fine detail could be spared when the schools most sought after hottie, Chad, was due to be on your doorstep at any minute. Candy collecting kids filled the streets, spooks and ghouls screaming for the sake of the thrill. A haunting night, if treated right. A dark corner, a horny teenager, an alcoholic heat, a tights tearing reality. Chad turned, in the blink of an eye, from a nice guy, into a forcefield her waving arms could not contain. A rampant thrust of lust her petite yet buxom frame could not warn away. He was animal, a carnal beast, hurting her was the least of his concerns.
And then, nothing.
A silent room, dimly lit by flickers of soft gold. A throbbing ache covering her entire body halted her escape, eyes scanning the room for some familiarity. And there it was, a wall of books, some scattered on the side tables, others piled on the floor. She, once again, was in the home of Goofy.
‘Welcome back’ a deep voice jolted her sore form, it came from a corner that sat almost completely shadowed from light.
‘How did I get here?’
‘Never mind.’
What happened to…’
‘Never mind.’ His tone cut the air like a knife that knew of no resistance.
She had no more questions.
The night was spent, with stories of centuries old, poetry recited through his well versed lips, chills of gripping delight, tales of titillating torture. He claimed her mind, with a powerful rush of knowledge, understanding and a steamy mug, of intoxicatingly rich hot chocolate. He read to her in an elated tone of the 7 deadly sins, witches slipping drops of poison from hidden vials abreast, she then took turn and found a beautifully bound Anais Nin. He let his fingers comb through her long hair, as they laughed through words scripted to entice, to desire, to quiver and scare. The ghostly night of hallows eve drifted by them as if the sunlight peeking through the curtains of dawn was the norm.

The sun was now preparing to rest, she’d been driving for hours on end. A refuel of her body and car found her soft smile at the brief memories she shared with that goofy boy from next door. He’d saved her, protected her in times of aching despair. He’d taught her to believe that her beauty was more than skin deep. He promised her that one day she’d finally know just how worthy she was of the love she longed for, yearned to feel, sought to live. Her eyes pooled, as she once again began to drive. Silly fool was she to believe a stupid goofy boy with too many books to read. Look at her now, a decade between, in the car, headed nowhere due to love once again being nothing but a farce. Everything, everyone she’d let in, allowed to see her, had used her, abused her, torn her down and left behind the pieces. Yes, a fool she was to believe in goofy dreams.
A cold moon crested, as full as the wolves would devour with howls. Her fingers found comfort as they began to fiddle with her fine string of pearls.

‘You’re leaving today, upon a journey toward your destiny’ He whispered in her ear as he stepped in close enough for her to feel the heat of his breath.
‘It’s just college, Goofy, not a worldly expedition’ she giggled at his touch as he gently turned her to face the mirror.
‘Oh they’re beautiful. Just superb’
‘They’re mine, and will remain that way.’ He replied sternly.
Her eyes found his in their reflected caress. Puzzled, she traced the perfect strand of allure with a light brush.
‘These are pearls of pain and pleasure, my treasure. You may wear them but in doing so, you too, are mine.’
Her laugh was enough to wake the living dead, her head thrown back onto his broad shoulder.
‘Oh Goofy, how your twisted mind pleases me.’ She spun on her heel sweeping delicate kisses on his cheeks.
‘Good bye dear poet, write me sometime.’
That was the final sweet moment they’d shared as friends, the door closing behind her. They were, no more.

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, her heart was skipping beats. Her car came to a halt, before she even knew where she was. The darkness drenched in a light dew, masked the streetlights in an eerie hue. She peeked through her window, only to see that familiar dark house. Laughing aloud at the ridiculous notion that firstly, she was here, not to mention it had been ten years. There’s no way! Not a chance in scolding hell…
Her steps up the path were quivering with anticipation. She finally understood what he meant when they last met. Her mind no longer strained to believe, her body no more felt the grip of fear. She knew, without doubt, she was destined to be here.
A quiet knock, lightly bit her knuckles. A flicked light above startled her stance. A long slow squeak of the door, revealed a tall, dark, handsome man.
‘You’re here?’ She whispered as if the breath was stolen from her lungs.
‘I knew you’d return. Now, come.’
He gripped her wrists with an almighty tug, lifting them both directly above her panting mouth. Pinned beneath the boy so poetically goofy, and the walls that had seen the strong man he’d always been.
Here, lived her dream.
His claim, her freedom.

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I’m taking you with me

‘It’s been too long
since you visited me’
Her wide eyes
filled with tears
as her tiny arms
clung to my neck
‘I’ve been busy my love
but I’m here, let’s just be’
My tight squeeze
releasing
as I place her
back down to her feet
‘You lied to me
you said I’d be fine
Nobody would hurt me
no more tears
no more pain
no more
you promised
no more’
Her perfect little hand
cupped in mine
swinging in time
with her youthful step
‘I know, I lied
But only about the tears
I never knew
how much I’d cry
and as for the pain
that happens
when you open your heart
to let another inside
The worst hurt though
is the agony
of when you’re alone
When there’s no other
to smile for
to lie for
that is the time
where you’ll do your most
growing’
Round eyes of hope
quickly filled with fear
her perfect pout
began to quiver
‘Hey’
I cut in
to the silence
of our stride
‘Remember that time
when you got lost
in the forest
and closed your eyes
and something inside
spoke to your scared mind?
Remember that time
when your dreams
returned you there
night after night
and your screams
woke your fears?’
My voice softened
as her 8 year old hand
fell from my hold
‘Those dreams stopped
you know
only two weeks ago’
Her eyes filled
with a determined glow
‘Yes, my love
that’s why I am here
to ask you to remember
forever
the immense power
you portrayed
Those sweaty dreams
your terrified screams
your fear of falling asleep
knowing he’d find you
chase you
through darkness
that never ceased
Relentlessly
until your terror
had mum
rocking you awake’
Her smile grew
a relief swept her cheeks
She knew
exactly what she did
‘I faced him
I stopped running
I let him capture me
I fully gave in
He only wanted me
when I was afraid
When the chase
was fueled by my fear
my drenching tears
He only wanted me
when I fought
and you know
he disappeared
like a black ghost
when I let him
take me’
Bravery
laced with understanding
again had her tiny hand
swing to our steps
‘Please baby,
listen to me
that’s all the memory
you’ll need
to free
yourself
from any bind
that life finds
Trust
in your strength
your ability
to face your fears
no matter how black
they appear
Surrender
to them
give in
but don’t give up
I may have fibbed
about the tears
but I promise
everything
will be alright’
Lowering to my knees
cupping plump cheeks
in between my aging hands
Looking deeply
into the eyes
of my own
youthful Self
‘You’re ready’
I whispered
into her pooling blues
‘You’re leaving me again’
‘No, my love
not this time
I’m taking you with me
to face these demons
of mine’

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