Tag Archives: love

would you?

if you were asked

to forget everything

you thought you knew

would you?
  

if you were asked

to embrace your scars

as a masterful tattoo

would you?

if you were asked

to adopt an alternate way

of viewing blue

would you?

if you were asked

lay down your swords

and stop the abuse

would you?

if you were asked

to solve life’s puzzle

using past as the clues

would you?

  
if you were asked

to travel along a path

others deem as taboo

would you?

if you were asked

to live in a world

with a rose coloured hue

would you?

  
if you were asked

to spread your wings

and aim for the moon

would you?

if you were asked

to plant your feet

until possibilities grew

would you?
  

if you were asked

to let your pain die

and birth life anew

would you?

if you were asked

to taste the potential

and not swallow, yet chew

would you?

if you were asked

to surrender your heart

to ultimate truth

would you?

if you were asked

to create your own destiny

would you

pursue?

if you were asked

to love me

the way i love you

would you?

  
if you were asked…

would you? 

just be…

be the life

of his every breath

be the birth

that caresses death 

be the gift

that beckons presence

be the star

that circles his crescent 

be the bosom

that piques his interest

be the strength

that supports his weakness

be the limbs

that grow intertwined

be the reality

of fantasies combined

be the woman

that curves his sight

be the guide

to his every delight

be the light

that shadows his dark

be the journey

he yearns to embark

be the elixir

that conjures his sip

be the goddess

that deserves his worship

  

please…

  please

do not fear me

she snarled

through dripping teeth

for these are my demons

that lie beneath

those sheets of flesh

you had me undress

please

do not run from me

she uttered

through gargled voice

for these are my monsters

that had no choice

but to be revealed

when our love was sealed

please

do not hide from me

she begged

through hollowed eyes

for these are my wounds

that bleed but dry

from pools of emotion

you coaxed me to open

please

do not leave me

she pleaded

through shivered breath

for these are my truths

my lives, my deaths

requesting your hearts time

to assist in healing mine

in complete heart

she’d been here before

turning this very corner
only to stumble
upon another sharp edge
cutting into her every truth
she knew
there’d be a hill up ahead
a climb of tiring incline
that curved gently at the crest
allowing a brief triumphant rest
before yet another slide
into more
of the flesh scoring stories
that held her life’s stride
as she traced her way
around the edges
to the familiar beat
of this puzzled heart
always
right back to the start
her journey seemed endless
as though she’d been placed
strategically positioned
in a much bigger game
she had her moments
of immense shame
blaming her lack of understanding
as to why she kept returning
to this blackened terrain
until today
when she doubled over
only not in crippled pain
but how this conundrum
that commanded her attention
suddenly rippled in vivid reflection
this hollowed cavern
that she’d avoided
for eternal days and nights
was never a missing piece
yet her own beautiful darkness
filling her heart
piecing her whole
in peace
complete
This poem was originally entered into a Voella Poetry Challenge. To view it on their site, and scroll some wonderfully poetic minds, click here. Trust me, take a coffee with you 😉

Far from through

From a very young age I’ve spent a majority of my time enveloped in darkness. Glimpses of light sporadically peeking through, more as a reminder that the tunnel I’m exploring does indeed seem to have an end. Love, being the ultimate goal, caused my search to deepen beyond the flesh of life’s soils, and dig… Boy, did I dig! Throughout my journey, I’ve met demons that wore my face, as their chastising voices laced my every thought. Until I thought, no more. I surrendered. I gave in. The blackened hole that was how I knew my soul to be, completely swallowed me.
Depression claimed me. It was bliss!
I no longer needed to hide my tears, no longer needed to paint on a smile, no need to be, anything. I had found the perfect dark corner of the world. Indifference. From here, nobody could ever reach me, harm me, hurt me, kill me, love me…wait… Nobody can ever love me… Fuck! What have I done?
Yeah, it’s one thing to realise that you’ve buried yourself alive, it’s a completely different task when recognising that it’s only you that has the claws that can scrape through this cryptic labrynth that you’ve burrowed your way into over the past three decades. Where the fuck does one start? Is the beginning the last shovel of dirt i coated my mind in, or is it all the way back to the first?
Now the claustrophobia kicks in! Great! The weight of every decision I have ever made crushing my chest, even the moments that I left for others to create seem to have fallen and landed on my already suffocating breath. The universe is fucked up, and it’s all my fault! Ok, so maybe this seems a tad dramatic, but I never said depression was rational. Honestly, I believe rationality is far overrated anyway. If I let my ‘mature’ mind decide all the paths to take, where’s the room, the freedom, to learn, grow from my own mistakes?
I picked up a saying, just a few years ago, in a moment where a microphone was being shoved into the faces of my best friend and I, karaoke! No way! We both shrilled… Until, she turned to me, and said, “What would your 65 year old self say?”
So, we both skipped to the stage and belted out a tune… It was hideous. But fuck it was fun! From then on, this 65 year old me has been pretty much cross stitching me new pieces of bravery from the opposite shoulder to the little lady I have labeled ‘miss rationality’. Which one wears red, who cares? All I know, is that before I even consult with lil miss, I give the aging lady a spin and twirl. Oh the things this 65 year old woman has had me do, I’m seriously blushing at the thoughts. Perhaps when I’m her age, I’ll write about the life we shared.
All I know, is that one moment of courage is enough to start turning these retched soils over…
All I know, is this darkness that lingers, whispers, beckons my return, is just another sign for me to pick up that shiny microphone and belt out another terribly pitched tune…
All I know, is that this 65 year old self and I are far from through!

…and the journey continues…

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Darkness

A 15 year old boy from my children’s school committed suicide yesterday. While my heart swells with incomprehensible compassion for his family, my head is (at the risk of sounding a complete bitch) fucking sad, confused and angry!
He reached out, on facebook, and was greeted with niceties, offers of help, kindness… He didn’t take them.
What he did take, was…..nothing.
The End.
Now, I for one, have found myself in serious contemplation of ending my life, and trust me, it didn’t end with my teens…
Darkness happens…
To every being here.
Darkness is not afraid to grab hold of a strong person and break them, darkness doesn’t discriminate against riches…
Darkness is… It just is… Dark.
The thing that angers me, is the fact that this boy, will never, EVER, see the light at the end of his struggle. He’ll never be able to look at his wounds and scars, and smile to himself coz he made it, through that pain…
He’ll not meet his adult self, not share a moment of ecstatic love, not hold a baby of his own, not grow into all that he could be.
He just is…. Gone…
My heart breaks in times like these. I just wish he knew there was so very much more to see, do…
Now I’m not going to sit here and blow wind up you, by saying as soon as you decide to keep going, life magically becomes sparkly and effortless, it doesn’t. It’s hard. Sometimes so bloody hard, you can’t see straight, but fuck, it’s so worth it!

Please, if you’re reading this, just know, for every reason you believe you won’t ever reach the end of the dark, there’s a billion more as to why you deserve to greet it…alive!

Take care of that heart, it’ll thank you when you experience a moment of understanding as to why we go/grow through things like this.

Love you, always xx

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No space between

There’s no space between the moment our eyes meet in recognition of the gift we each offer one another.
There’s no space between your knees that rest on the floor before me and the awe that swirls deep within my core.
Theres no space between the blindfold blinding your sight and the beauty I see with my wide eyes.
There’s no space between the leather fastened around your throat and the way it feels to know you’re now mine.
There’s no space between the links of chain trailing in aid of binding your wrists and my sigh of the freedom you will now find.
There’s no space between me and the rouge of your cheeks as each time my palm meets your flesh, we connect. The lick of each flick of my crop, the bite of each plaited tail creating lines of exquisite delight, from me, by me, for me, your servitude ignites.
There’s no space between the breath that’s bated in anticipation of the next strike, and my adoring caress, of utter contentedness at your will to please, me, repeatedly.
There’s no space between each bruise I leave upon your flesh, each welt, each strike, each line, I wear, with you, as you. Each moment, you sit, reminisce, over the sheer intoxicated bliss you felt, remember, my pet, there’s no space between the joy and elation your acquiescence delivered so readily, to me.
There’s no space between the ecstasy repleting into the pain of craving to repeat the soaring exploration of our journey, trust me, I too ache to stay high on the rush our time together provides.
There’s no space between your need and mine, no time, like the present, you gift my life.
There’s no space between you and I.

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I don’t often write of love.

I don’t often write of love.
Sure, I may occasionally pen
‘Love
You’
Directed as a suggestion, more so than a profession. Yet, who am I to suggest such a thing? For I, myself know not what it means.
Sure, I’m familiar with the term, have used it broadly in exclamation of intensity, but what confusion simply using one word can often bring. I am a mother, a grand one at that. No, not a boast, I’m just that old. My love for these beings is undoubtedly the most intense I’ve experienced. Yes, I know I’d lift a car if one happened to be between me and the moment of ones life and death. This love, is without question. But upon reflection, would I find such strength, such a will within myself, to lift said burden from crushing me? History has proven to me, no. Now that’s not to say that my future reads as bleak, not admitting I find myself unworthy, it’s simply reminding myself that’s it’s only me, that will ever stop me from feeling truly worthy, of love.
I love to write of lust! The thrusts of such carnal toe curling throes, flows so easily from my pen. Again, I wonder if it’s because I feel safer with the boundary that using the word ‘lust’ over ‘love’ implies.
To be totally truthful, ‘love’ scares the absolute fuck out of me.
That single moment of undeniable vulnerability simultaneously makes me ache in yearning to taste, and hide my heart away… in aid of what, keeping it safe? Love of ones Self, is no doubt my life’s goal. Well, a challenge so far, but a goal none the less… Love of and for another, that love that has kept the hands and hearts of poets occupied for eons of time, and will continue to do so for eternity I suspect, yes, that love, terrifies me. I mean, honestly, allowing one soul to reach in, behind every mask I adorn, strip me of all pretense, cull me of any shelter, bare me of these layers that I’ve tirelessly placed in self preservation, of protection, against breaking, against being taken, as a fool, as a love sick fool…yep…terrified!
And what of the moment of realization that on paper, the realities simply do not connect all the dots, yet the way every moment of every single day is completely drenched by thoughts of how they make you feel, complete, worthy, wanted, needed. Is that enough? Is that love? Or just another lust that wears a cloak of blood pumping greed? Does love even need to make sense? Or is that the whole purpose? It never does, never will? Is that the hurdle that must be leapt? The edge of the cliff that must be found? The jump, the fall, the not knowing if you’ll crash n burn or flap n soar?
Fucked if I know! All I’m sure of is that I don’t often write of love.
For I, myself know not what it means…

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Do you remember?

do you remember when
all i had was fresh soils
for you to stroll upon?
every moment
was spent dreaming
of our forever,
our future,
together.
remember when
you lovingly planted
those very first seeds?
nourishing each
with poetic whispers,
creating memories
for us to keep,
sow and reap.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you laid the foundation?
pouring thick concrete
of honest solidity,
our eternity,
finally grounded,
soundly.
each wall was built
with hollowed holes.
windows of our souls
always kept open,
even through
chilling winds
of howling winters
we always knew
our sparked truths
would never freeze.
our intensity ignited,
burned.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you painted me?
oh how your palette
burst with vibrancy.
no other masterpiece
could ever compare,
for within each stroke
you owned me,
completely,
in totality.
and how the sun shone
on our breaking dawns,
warming our hearts
after long cozy nights
endlessly spent lying
beneath glistening stars,
our wishes cast.
do you remember?

do you remember when
one window jammed closed?
no amount of cursing
would jimmy it open.
that was when i knew
this home we had built
would be empty soon.
too soon.
you stayed absent longer.
time without you here
grew desperately dark
echoing lonely.
when you’d return
i’d brighten up
from deep inside,
but you couldn’t see,
didn’t want to,
you switched off
my every light,
in preference
of eyes destined
for eternal nights.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you closed the door
for the final time?
sliding the gold key
so easily
beneath me.
how you walked away
not even turning back
to stop and see,
how completely ruined
we had become,
we were once one.
now we are no more.
you left me
to break and crumble
into shattered fragments
of a battered lost soul
with no place
to call home.
do you remember?
i do
i’m still here
awaiting one worthy
of unlocking the door,
willing
able
determined
to complete
my full restore.

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Hush

Hush
my little one
don’t make a sound
for it’s in silence
that your truths
will resound
Let your mind
fall quiet
find peace within
only then
will you feel me
deeply within
Don’t fear
the darkness
my cherished love
hold my hand
i’ll guide you
to the light above
Kneel before me
gift me
all that you are
and i shall make you
my sun
my moon
my blazing star
Hush
my little one
don’t make a sound
for in silence
love binds us
eternity found…

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