Tag Archives: pain

please…

  please

do not fear me

she snarled

through dripping teeth

for these are my demons

that lie beneath

those sheets of flesh

you had me undress

please

do not run from me

she uttered

through gargled voice

for these are my monsters

that had no choice

but to be revealed

when our love was sealed

please

do not hide from me

she begged

through hollowed eyes

for these are my wounds

that bleed but dry

from pools of emotion

you coaxed me to open

please

do not leave me

she pleaded

through shivered breath

for these are my truths

my lives, my deaths

requesting your hearts time

to assist in healing mine

in complete heart

she’d been here before

turning this very corner
only to stumble
upon another sharp edge
cutting into her every truth
she knew
there’d be a hill up ahead
a climb of tiring incline
that curved gently at the crest
allowing a brief triumphant rest
before yet another slide
into more
of the flesh scoring stories
that held her life’s stride
as she traced her way
around the edges
to the familiar beat
of this puzzled heart
always
right back to the start
her journey seemed endless
as though she’d been placed
strategically positioned
in a much bigger game
she had her moments
of immense shame
blaming her lack of understanding
as to why she kept returning
to this blackened terrain
until today
when she doubled over
only not in crippled pain
but how this conundrum
that commanded her attention
suddenly rippled in vivid reflection
this hollowed cavern
that she’d avoided
for eternal days and nights
was never a missing piece
yet her own beautiful darkness
filling her heart
piecing her whole
in peace
complete
This poem was originally entered into a Voella Poetry Challenge. To view it on their site, and scroll some wonderfully poetic minds, click here. Trust me, take a coffee with you 😉

Darkness

A 15 year old boy from my children’s school committed suicide yesterday. While my heart swells with incomprehensible compassion for his family, my head is (at the risk of sounding a complete bitch) fucking sad, confused and angry!
He reached out, on facebook, and was greeted with niceties, offers of help, kindness… He didn’t take them.
What he did take, was…..nothing.
The End.
Now, I for one, have found myself in serious contemplation of ending my life, and trust me, it didn’t end with my teens…
Darkness happens…
To every being here.
Darkness is not afraid to grab hold of a strong person and break them, darkness doesn’t discriminate against riches…
Darkness is… It just is… Dark.
The thing that angers me, is the fact that this boy, will never, EVER, see the light at the end of his struggle. He’ll never be able to look at his wounds and scars, and smile to himself coz he made it, through that pain…
He’ll not meet his adult self, not share a moment of ecstatic love, not hold a baby of his own, not grow into all that he could be.
He just is…. Gone…
My heart breaks in times like these. I just wish he knew there was so very much more to see, do…
Now I’m not going to sit here and blow wind up you, by saying as soon as you decide to keep going, life magically becomes sparkly and effortless, it doesn’t. It’s hard. Sometimes so bloody hard, you can’t see straight, but fuck, it’s so worth it!

Please, if you’re reading this, just know, for every reason you believe you won’t ever reach the end of the dark, there’s a billion more as to why you deserve to greet it…alive!

Take care of that heart, it’ll thank you when you experience a moment of understanding as to why we go/grow through things like this.

Love you, always xx

IMG_3464.JPG

Do you remember?

do you remember when
all i had was fresh soils
for you to stroll upon?
every moment
was spent dreaming
of our forever,
our future,
together.
remember when
you lovingly planted
those very first seeds?
nourishing each
with poetic whispers,
creating memories
for us to keep,
sow and reap.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you laid the foundation?
pouring thick concrete
of honest solidity,
our eternity,
finally grounded,
soundly.
each wall was built
with hollowed holes.
windows of our souls
always kept open,
even through
chilling winds
of howling winters
we always knew
our sparked truths
would never freeze.
our intensity ignited,
burned.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you painted me?
oh how your palette
burst with vibrancy.
no other masterpiece
could ever compare,
for within each stroke
you owned me,
completely,
in totality.
and how the sun shone
on our breaking dawns,
warming our hearts
after long cozy nights
endlessly spent lying
beneath glistening stars,
our wishes cast.
do you remember?

do you remember when
one window jammed closed?
no amount of cursing
would jimmy it open.
that was when i knew
this home we had built
would be empty soon.
too soon.
you stayed absent longer.
time without you here
grew desperately dark
echoing lonely.
when you’d return
i’d brighten up
from deep inside,
but you couldn’t see,
didn’t want to,
you switched off
my every light,
in preference
of eyes destined
for eternal nights.
do you remember?

do you remember when
you closed the door
for the final time?
sliding the gold key
so easily
beneath me.
how you walked away
not even turning back
to stop and see,
how completely ruined
we had become,
we were once one.
now we are no more.
you left me
to break and crumble
into shattered fragments
of a battered lost soul
with no place
to call home.
do you remember?
i do
i’m still here
awaiting one worthy
of unlocking the door,
willing
able
determined
to complete
my full restore.

20140522-192443-69883790.jpg

When all is said… I’m done…

When does my responsibility end?
Is it when I put down my pen?
Is it when I click send?
Or is that just the beginning, again?

I have been on twitter now
for almost 2 years
I have found friendships
that are sure to continue to grow
I have learned so very much
about myself and others
I have battled my demons
even the ones I didn’t know

I penned many subtweets
to others who did the same
I loved wordplay on the timeline
with others that played the game
What you didn’t see
what only a few know as true
is that behind the scenes
I made sure each wordsmith knew
That the words we are sharing
are just that, simply words
Not love, nor promises
that need to cause hurt
And with metaphoric handshakes
our words melded in kind
We would twist and tangle linguistics
delve deep, expand our minds
Fun… Right?

Now, with that being said
I’m not naive nor ignorant
I know feelings shared
need hearts of diligence
So, I’d reassure all
with tweets of integrity
that these letters of mine
were penned to be gritty
Two years of passed time
have seen too many tears
too many rhymes misconstrued
too many thrown spears

My twitter account
will now remain active
Even though the mere sight of me
seems to hurt some unintentionally
My goal for using my name
for placing my face on the page
was to stop any games
to enter the next phase
Words, are my passion
writing is my intense desire
My account will display
when my pen is inspired

I am sorry
I have hurt you
I am sorry
I caused fire, burned
I am thankful
I met you
I am thankful
I for the lessons, learned

To all concerned
I am on a wonderful journey
much more than the online life
where you see my wordy release
I have goals dreams hopes desires
That I intend to follow flourish grow

I still don’t know
where my responsibility ends
All I do know
is that I’m in love with this pen

Take care of your hearts
I promise I will do the same
Be understanding of others
Take responsibility, without blame

When all is said…
I’m done…

Till we meet again
Megan Kay x

How did you know?

Oh my…
How did you find me?
How could you have known
every single letter that would own
my achingly awakening bones?
How did you know?

You pen of the world
the universal truths
as though you have slept
inside my very own mind
kept silent all these years
just until I was ready to find
You…
How did you know?

You scribe of times
that our lips sublimely met
knowing all the while
how wet that makes me
Never mind, that we’ve not seen
each other in the flesh
I get it, it’s poetry…
About me…
How did you know?

Our tangled limbs
in sweat soaked sheets
resting upon never endings
sends me deeper
into your pounding chest
as my metaphoric head rests
in luxurious linguistic tease
I know you write of me
How did you know?

Those blue eyes
that have claimed your desires
pale to my shade
of green
Wait… Oh, I get it
You don’t want others
to see how you truly feel
about me
You’re so protecting
How did you know?

Your letters dance
as though the music
just flows for your words
to merge in perfect verse
Cinderfuckingrella sisters
may cut off all their toes
to slip into those slippers
but I know
they belong on my feet
that you sweep me off
How did you know?

The way your ink spills
filling up my heart
it’s like we’ve never been apart
Time was ours
to devour as one
Hey, where did you go?
What do you mean it was a show?
Words worded for art sake?
We were destined
Our souls were to meet
finally finding the other half
I knew that
right from the very start!
Wait!!
You played me
like an instrument
that was harping
to be owned…

How did you know?

The Tweeples Piece

This piece is dedicated to my twitter timeline. Yesterday, I requested some fresh ideas, anything to get my pen flowing, and in doing so, I promised to incorporate each offering into one single piece. Here is what I was gifted with.

20131023-193403.jpg
I truly hope I don’t disappoint.
Here it is…

The Tweeples Piece…

The mirror adored her, always has, mocked her even. Locks of golden hair that tumbled in bouncy beauty now swiftly restrained in a messy ponytail, she curled her lip, snarled at her reflection in her rear view, and hit the gas…
Where she was headed, not even she knew, as long as it was anywhere but here, that’s where she needed to be.
The radio in this old car never was loud enough to drown out her thoughts, but today, the music didn’t even reach her ears. Today, was the last fucking time she’d let a man deceive her, the final time she’d fall for a tailored suit and a million dollar smile. Never again, would she let herself get tangled in fresh linen sheets with one that spun them with his scorchingly seductive linguistics.
Nope… Never again!
Just like the last time… Sigh…
Shaking her head at her stupidity, her mind sinks into a moment, grade school, Tommy P… The dreamiest boy in class, slyly scripted love letters lead to sweet valentine kisses behind the bike sheds. And the next day, and the next… And the next, his lips were locking with buck toothed, scrawny arms, EX best friend, Penny!
Broken, shattered, found…
That, was the day Goofy entered her world. His name was Jack, but he never seemed phased by the name others had given him. Long and lean, a goofy smile that rarely broke, an underarm forever filled with books. He was the type of boy that kept to himself, and watched the world with an uplifted eyebrow, as if to say, what the fuck are you doing.
‘So, what the fuck are you doing?’
His long shadow blocked the blazing sun, his harsh words saved her from drowning in the pool of self pitiful tears.
‘Ummmm crying… And what’s it to you?’
That was it, they shared an easy smile, walked home in sounds of her constant babble, and his steady footsteps. Stopping directly outside her house, her confusion spoke.
‘How did you know where I live?’
Shifting his heavy stack of literature, he raised a single finger, aimed at the dark house next door, the one that instantaneously struck spine tingling shivers every time she allowed her eyes to remember it even existed.
‘You live….there?’
His goofy lip curled, as he turned to walk away. ‘Come’.

The summer sun beat down with a fury that matched her mind, the classic car purred into each corner along this road that held her, steered her from the crippling pain, to nowhere, just away. Picturesque mountain peaks lost in shadows of her clouded mind, the deep valleys shallowed in compare to her tumultuous thoughts. Her boiling rage reminded her of ‘that Halloween’.

Trick or treating was fun, when fueled with a few swigs of vodka. A playboy bunny tail swished with her slinky sway, no fine detail could be spared when the schools most sought after hottie, Chad, was due to be on your doorstep at any minute. Candy collecting kids filled the streets, spooks and ghouls screaming for the sake of the thrill. A haunting night, if treated right. A dark corner, a horny teenager, an alcoholic heat, a tights tearing reality. Chad turned, in the blink of an eye, from a nice guy, into a forcefield her waving arms could not contain. A rampant thrust of lust her petite yet buxom frame could not warn away. He was animal, a carnal beast, hurting her was the least of his concerns.
And then, nothing.
A silent room, dimly lit by flickers of soft gold. A throbbing ache covering her entire body halted her escape, eyes scanning the room for some familiarity. And there it was, a wall of books, some scattered on the side tables, others piled on the floor. She, once again, was in the home of Goofy.
‘Welcome back’ a deep voice jolted her sore form, it came from a corner that sat almost completely shadowed from light.
‘How did I get here?’
‘Never mind.’
What happened to…’
‘Never mind.’ His tone cut the air like a knife that knew of no resistance.
She had no more questions.
The night was spent, with stories of centuries old, poetry recited through his well versed lips, chills of gripping delight, tales of titillating torture. He claimed her mind, with a powerful rush of knowledge, understanding and a steamy mug, of intoxicatingly rich hot chocolate. He read to her in an elated tone of the 7 deadly sins, witches slipping drops of poison from hidden vials abreast, she then took turn and found a beautifully bound Anais Nin. He let his fingers comb through her long hair, as they laughed through words scripted to entice, to desire, to quiver and scare. The ghostly night of hallows eve drifted by them as if the sunlight peeking through the curtains of dawn was the norm.

The sun was now preparing to rest, she’d been driving for hours on end. A refuel of her body and car found her soft smile at the brief memories she shared with that goofy boy from next door. He’d saved her, protected her in times of aching despair. He’d taught her to believe that her beauty was more than skin deep. He promised her that one day she’d finally know just how worthy she was of the love she longed for, yearned to feel, sought to live. Her eyes pooled, as she once again began to drive. Silly fool was she to believe a stupid goofy boy with too many books to read. Look at her now, a decade between, in the car, headed nowhere due to love once again being nothing but a farce. Everything, everyone she’d let in, allowed to see her, had used her, abused her, torn her down and left behind the pieces. Yes, a fool she was to believe in goofy dreams.
A cold moon crested, as full as the wolves would devour with howls. Her fingers found comfort as they began to fiddle with her fine string of pearls.

‘You’re leaving today, upon a journey toward your destiny’ He whispered in her ear as he stepped in close enough for her to feel the heat of his breath.
‘It’s just college, Goofy, not a worldly expedition’ she giggled at his touch as he gently turned her to face the mirror.
‘Oh they’re beautiful. Just superb’
‘They’re mine, and will remain that way.’ He replied sternly.
Her eyes found his in their reflected caress. Puzzled, she traced the perfect strand of allure with a light brush.
‘These are pearls of pain and pleasure, my treasure. You may wear them but in doing so, you too, are mine.’
Her laugh was enough to wake the living dead, her head thrown back onto his broad shoulder.
‘Oh Goofy, how your twisted mind pleases me.’ She spun on her heel sweeping delicate kisses on his cheeks.
‘Good bye dear poet, write me sometime.’
That was the final sweet moment they’d shared as friends, the door closing behind her. They were, no more.

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, her heart was skipping beats. Her car came to a halt, before she even knew where she was. The darkness drenched in a light dew, masked the streetlights in an eerie hue. She peeked through her window, only to see that familiar dark house. Laughing aloud at the ridiculous notion that firstly, she was here, not to mention it had been ten years. There’s no way! Not a chance in scolding hell…
Her steps up the path were quivering with anticipation. She finally understood what he meant when they last met. Her mind no longer strained to believe, her body no more felt the grip of fear. She knew, without doubt, she was destined to be here.
A quiet knock, lightly bit her knuckles. A flicked light above startled her stance. A long slow squeak of the door, revealed a tall, dark, handsome man.
‘You’re here?’ She whispered as if the breath was stolen from her lungs.
‘I knew you’d return. Now, come.’
He gripped her wrists with an almighty tug, lifting them both directly above her panting mouth. Pinned beneath the boy so poetically goofy, and the walls that had seen the strong man he’d always been.
Here, lived her dream.
His claim, her freedom.

20131023-193534.jpg

Silents

For all
the same reasons
one stands
screaming
Another
teems
through
their silents

Speechless
A loss
for words
Belief
shaking
every nerve
Be it beauty
or beastly
that claims
Inability
to explain
a silence remains

20130813-144033.jpg
Fearful
Lips quiver
in doubt
Scared
of truths
flying out
All secrets
and desires
choked down
Avoidance
of frowns
a silence resounds

20130813-143536.jpg
Angered
Betrayals
of trust
Flaring
heated winds
in gusts
Battles
unsurfaced
deeply churning
Personal
inner turmoil
a silent burning

20130813-143028.jpg
Painful
Tears
of love lost
Tearing
down walls
boundaries crossed
Broken
hearts left
barely beating
Drowning
souls depleting
a silent defeating

20130813-143120.jpg
A heart
may be breaking
A soul
may be shaking
A body
may be quaking
A life
may be forsaking

Silents sometimes speak
much louder than words

Silence too often whispers
without ever being heard

Silent treatments hurt
when unwilling to interpret

Silents are a reflection
of a persons own world