Tag Archives: suicide

Darkness

A 15 year old boy from my children’s school committed suicide yesterday. While my heart swells with incomprehensible compassion for his family, my head is (at the risk of sounding a complete bitch) fucking sad, confused and angry!
He reached out, on facebook, and was greeted with niceties, offers of help, kindness… He didn’t take them.
What he did take, was…..nothing.
The End.
Now, I for one, have found myself in serious contemplation of ending my life, and trust me, it didn’t end with my teens…
Darkness happens…
To every being here.
Darkness is not afraid to grab hold of a strong person and break them, darkness doesn’t discriminate against riches…
Darkness is… It just is… Dark.
The thing that angers me, is the fact that this boy, will never, EVER, see the light at the end of his struggle. He’ll never be able to look at his wounds and scars, and smile to himself coz he made it, through that pain…
He’ll not meet his adult self, not share a moment of ecstatic love, not hold a baby of his own, not grow into all that he could be.
He just is…. Gone…
My heart breaks in times like these. I just wish he knew there was so very much more to see, do…
Now I’m not going to sit here and blow wind up you, by saying as soon as you decide to keep going, life magically becomes sparkly and effortless, it doesn’t. It’s hard. Sometimes so bloody hard, you can’t see straight, but fuck, it’s so worth it!

Please, if you’re reading this, just know, for every reason you believe you won’t ever reach the end of the dark, there’s a billion more as to why you deserve to greet it…alive!

Take care of that heart, it’ll thank you when you experience a moment of understanding as to why we go/grow through things like this.

Love you, always xx

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Kill the black butterflies

An erratic rock
Wails of sorrow
filling the musty air
Darkness lit dimly
by a lone swinging globe

His mind absent
momentarily
before the sting
of raging blood
swam back through
his strangled throat

Pain
screaming agony
ripped him apart
Why can he feel
what should only be
dark

He did everything
the right way
Waited for his parents
to lay down
Wrote his letter
with his broken
black crayon

Fingers
pointing at him
for hurting words
he learned at home
Blame
for the death
of his ex best friend
Tied the noose
around his neck
Wet pants
clung to quivering legs
His piss stung
almost as much
as the strangers arms
that wrapped his teen frame

The voice
of his father
ringing in his ears
Words of worry
Love spilled through
his tears
A stranger
this father is
For the one
that he knew
threw words
of anger and hatred
straight into
his youth

To die
his only escape
only way
to stop the ripples
the waves
that these deadly poisonous
behaviours lace

Why
did he save me
His only lone thought
My words killed
and his go uncaught

These worded butterflies
must be stopped
Their flutters
are deadly
Outrageously
contagious

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He exhaled
his shallow breath
and laid
to rest
in the arms
of his father
His note
left floating
in the darkness
of this night
His parting message
‘Please kill the black butterflies’